Do you often wonder why the same things keep happening to you over and over and over again? That’s because toxic emotional patterns keep you from being emotionally resilient.
An example may be that you started dating a new person, and after a certain point, the same stuff keeps coming up that ended your prior relationship. The same type of doubts, arguments, thoughts, and fears keep creeping up. This can happen in any type of relationship, even platonic ones.
At some point, you know that it is not them. You know deep down inside that it is you. You experience the way the world is the way YOU are, not the way the world is.
These toxic emotional patterns come up again and again because you keep running away and avoiding them. You keep dodging them, and you keep living life like this is not a concern. I understand that you are tired of being on this hamster wheel and want a breath of fresh air. To do this, you will need to do something different.
Avoiding, dodging, or running away from your problems is not going to leave these stubborn toxic emotional patterns behind. This article’s objectives are twofold. First, I want you to realize this problem is a pattern. You have to do something about this because it won’t go away with time. Secondly, I want to give you tools to start your journey to become aware of these toxic emotional patterns, so they don’t dictate your life anymore.
This Problem Is A Pattern
Let’s work on the first objective. But first I have some questions for you to think about. Do you feel disappointed about the same things from different people? Do you feel like you can’t trust others? Like they are going to tell on you? Or they don’t show up for you when you really need them to?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you are stuck in a toxic emotional pattern that you will have to release and heal yourself from in order to keep this away from you. If you do not, you will keep running into a wall.
Do you often get emotionally triggered that people don’t take you seriously? Or don’t visit you often enough? Or do they exclude you from a group outing? If yes, you are stuck in an emotional pattern that keeps repeating itself. But it isn’t your fault! We pick up these patterns from our childhood from our caregivers.
Most of these issues stem from abandonment, rejection, or some sort of trauma experienced in our childhood. But, it does not mean you cannot change these patterns as an adult. I do agree that it was unfortunate whatever happened to you that led you to learn these patterns. But if you just keep blaming the past or other people for these issues, you will not get off this hamster wheel. You will not be able to get out of the grip of whatever happened in your past. This will cause you to continue to keep recreating the same pattern for yourself. Remember that you see the world the way you are.
The Tools To Help You Overcome This
When you change, you change internally, and the things you experience change as well. The change takes place on the inside, not the outside.
The good news is that you are in control of what happens to you! I admit it is hard to change. I know this is hard because I deal with change all the time.
Here’s what you need to do, you need to eliminate the blame. Each time you feel disappointed that your friend didn’t invite you, tell yourself, “it’s not about them, it’s about me.” When you don’t do that, you are choosing to see the world as if this person doesn’t care about you. That is the message you are giving to yourself.
What are you feeling at this moment? This will allow you to drop the blame and put the spotlight back on yourself. Doing so, it will be less likely to put up a defense. Defense is another mechanism that keeps us trapped in this toxic cycle.
When you have nothing to defend, you are more likely to put your guard down so you can evaluate the real problem. The real problem is within you… but so is the solution.
These toxic emotional patterns are all unconscious, so you may not even realize you are doing this. If you do realize it- congrats! That means now you can do something about it. Most of the time, all these patterns require is attention or awareness.
So if you’re aware, that’s great! Just like a child who is acting up, they really just want some good quality attention and to know that they matter.
These patterns are really just what your inner child wants you to know and experience back then too. And yes, YOU can provide that to your inner child just by being attentive to your own feelings. It’s all about the story you’re telling yourself.
When you change the story you tell yourself, you also change. When you change how you look at the world, you change as well.
Now you know what to do when these uneasy negative thoughts about others pop up in your head. They leave you cynical and doubtful. Remember that this pattern is a problem. But you do have the power to change how you look at the world.
You experience the world the way YOU are, not the way the world is. You will have to change your narrative and the story you have been telling yourself. You will have to drop the excuses that keep you stuck in the same toxic emotional patterns. If you are ready, this episode is for you. Trust me. You will have to do the work but it is easier when someone is walking you through it.
To learn more about this topic, check out my in-depth video here.