Why aren’t people taking you seriously? Does it indicate low self-esteem?

Intro

Why aren’t people taking me seriously? This is a question that comes up in my practice quite a lot. It is related to your low self-esteem. Let’s unfold it.

This article will outline six common reasons people may not take you seriously. They include: 

• Not following through with your promises 
• Low self-esteem or low self-worth
• Not knowing yourself enough 
• Your perfectionist tendencies
• You doubt yourself
• Making excuses instead of making things happen  

I have a scenario to go along with each reason. This was from a client who said his kids were not taking him seriously. He couldn’t even get them to do small things, suck as pick up after themselves. 

Reason 1: Not Following Through

The first reason for people not taking you seriously is not following through on your promises. You may want to ask yourself, “why don’t I follow through with things?” 

If you already have a scenario, think it through. Let’s go back to the scenario for a minute. He did not follow through because he did not want his kids to be upset with him. In other words, he didn’t want to face abandonment or rejection from his children. 

Reason 2: Low Self-Esteem

The second reason may be low self-esteem or low self-worth. This comes for all of us who think we are less than something in some way. This stuff comes up, and I have been practicing for over a decade. People will not take you seriously if you doubt yourself or feel insufficient in some way, like feeling abandoned or rejected. 

You may be wondering, what is self-worth or self-esteem? It’s confidence in one’s own self-worth or abilities. It’s self-respect, and it happens at a thinking level. But self-worth is so much deeper than self-worth. It’s an opinion or feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect. Do you see the difference?

Let’s go back to the example of the dad who was abandoned. He didn’t feel strong enough to stand up for himself because he doubted himself. Because he doubted himself about if he was doing the right thing or not. 

Reason 3: Not Knowing Yourself

The third reason could be not knowing yourself. Why would you take someone seriously if they are wishy-washy most of the time? So, returning to knowing yourself will get in the way of showing your authority. 

If you don’t know if you’re doing the right thing or are unsure of your beliefs and values and what you stand for, this will waver your self-esteem or self-worth. Or what kind of confidence in yourself. 

Let’s go back to our example for a second. The dad doubted himself because he didn’t know his true self. He can only get in touch with his true self by going with what he identified with his role as a good father. But he doubted himself and his abilities to be a good father.

So he felt the lack of where the doubt came in. When you feel insufficient in some way or another, this lack will show in your conviction. It’s going to show up with how you firm up the boundaries. 

Reason 4: Your Perfectionist Tendencies 

The fourth reason could be your perfectionist tendencies. I understand not everyone is a perfectionist, and these tendencies do not impact everyone. It just happens to be that a lot of people I work with tend to have these tendencies. 

I like to include this as it fits the scenario because this is the crux of my client’s feelings. These get in the way of a lot because black and white thinking is all or nothing. Perfectionism is not all bad; there is an upside to it. You just have to keep it in check.

Either you are the best mom or don’t even want to try because what difference does it make? For me to reinforce boundaries or discipline today versus yesterday. You feel like you have to do it all the time or not at all. 

This type of thinking can also waver your confidence. This may also bring in the factor of guilt. You kind of own your guilt of being perfect. This can get in the way of reinforcing what you said last time. Be mindful and kind to yourself as you work through these tendencies because you are just becoming aware of them.  

Going back to my example, the dad I worked with felt inadequate or insufficient due to his perfectionist tendencies. I have seen these tendencies and how people get overwhelmed or fixated on what people have done all along or their implementation. 

Because of this, you have less flexibility in thinking. He tends to think of this more because he really had suffered from perfectionist tendencies. He couldn’t follow through with disciplining his kids because he felt he was not doing it right. 

Reason 5: You Doubt Yourself 

Reason number five is because you doubt yourself or are less confident in yourself. What this really means is you cannot really say it as you mean it. So, reflect on why you soften things up before others. We do this all the time. 

You may not have the courage to face it. It takes a lot to tell someone because beating around the bush and sugar coating it is much easier. You may need to ask yourself if you do this and why. Is it fear of hurting someone’s feelings or of conflict? 

Back to my example with my client. This dad did this because he doubted himself and didn’t feel comfortable or confident enough to say what he meant with conviction. Kids will understand what he really meant, let me tell you. Kids are really good at picking up energy. 

Over time, you will become more aware of your emotions. You will realize that you’re going to start to pick up on other people’s emotions. 

Reason 6: Making Excuses 

The last reason is making excuses. Those who make excuses are just another way of soothing ourselves from the disappointment we might feel. This can be because we didn’t do enough right. When we are making excuses because we’re trying to please others. This means you might not be comfortable with confronting the conflict you want to avoid. 

You may just be the peacemaker and don’t want to rock the boat making everyone else happy around you. That’s actually what gets you in trouble because there’s too much focus on other people’s happiness. And how to make them happy, in turn, ignore what makes up unhappy. That’s where we fail. 

Let’s finish up my example here about the dad. This dad was the champion at making excuses. Even for some of the stuff, I would ask him to do, there were so many excuses, and they were valid. But there were so many excuses why he couldn’t do the homework or why he couldn’t do the exercise. 

So we really needed to go deeper than this and realize why he was doing these things. Because he didn’t say it with conviction, his kids didn’t take him seriously. This hurt his fragile ego. His little kids do not respond to his request or demands. 

Conclusion

Those were the six reasons that people may not be taking you seriously. There are steps you can take to combat this. To check out this topic more in-depth, check out my video here.