Do you always feel like you are not as worthy as your friend, sibling, classmate, or any other acquaintance? Or do you always put yourself down for your looks, career preferences, job, and other decisions you made for yourself?
Do you always call yourself a loser? Or, do you always blame yourself for every unsuitable thing happening around you?
If these questions look familiar, you are probably pushing yourself in a mental condition that makes you hate your entity. Self-hatred or self-loathing has become extremely common these days. Shockingly, it isn’t a one-day reaction, but hating oneself develops over time and there could be multiple reasons leading you to self-hatred. Past traumas are one of the most common factors that trigger the human mind, and besides this, there can be a lot of other factors responsible for amplifying the feeling of self-hatred.
Reasons That Cause And Trigger Self-Hatred
There’s a lot of relevance found between self-hatred and a traumatic past. These traumas and challenges might include physical, sexual, or abusive childhood memories. I believe, that children who have had a traumatic childhood think that they are not good enough to be loved or they have no value in the eyes of others around them.
Sometimes we set our expectations higher than what humans can achieve, and when we fail to perform we start blaming ourselves. You can always set extraordinary goals for yourself, but do not go beyond reality. Setting unrealistic challenges ignites our inner critic that begins shaming and disappointing us. Tell yourself to be reasonable, and that’s how you can push away the feeling of self-blaming and self-hatred.
Developing Forced Connections
There are times when we go beyond our abilities and try to impress people we love. And when we do that, we basically attempt to build forced connections. For instance, there are times when we know that being with a certain person is taking away our sanity; we still force ourselves to please them. This act of pleasing others makes us feel unworthy and dependent on others.
Many people accept that they feel devastated when their girlfriends, boyfriends, cousins, or family members do not give them the expected attention. Such a feeling of getting rejected makes you hate yourself because you think that being loved or valued by others only makes you worthy.
Creating your definition of perfection and failing to reach it is yet another cause of self-hatred. You need to know that only robots can be perfect, not humans. We, humans, are designed to learn from our mistakes and move ahead in life. We cannot act the same way in all situations, therefore, we need to open a scope to learn from our shortcomings.
People at times think that when they perform a task with perfection they’ll not be ashamed, embarrassed, judged, or ridiculed, but they forget that humans cannot be perfect all the time. Such a disorder or trying to be a perfectionist gives birth to the feeling of self-hatred.
We live in a society where we compare ourselves constantly. But unfortunately, during this act of social comparison, we forget how one human being can be different from the other. Comparing your performance with another individual could be a good boost until it forces your mind to blame you for underperforming. When you begin blaming yourself, you start hating your personality and think you are not good enough to perform a task as your competitor.
How to Reverse the Feeling of Self-hatred?
The feeling of self-hatred is extremely personal to people who are facing it, and different people have different reasons that trigger the cycle of self-loathing. Whatever may be the cause, don’t you think that we all deserve to stay in a positive environment, where we do not harm our inner peace? Being a Licensed Professional Counselor I believe that you should all know your worth and this is possible only when you concentrate on healing self-hatred. Begin the healing process by following the steps mentioned below:
Control Your Inner Critic
Negative self-talk is one of the most evident signs of self-hatred. People tend to have low confidence in such situations. As a result, the inner critic tries to put us down in every situation. If you feel the same, try and put your inner critic to a halt.
But, how could you do that?
Well, during my sessions with my patients I have seen how people move from being negative to getting positive gradually. For this, you need to shut down your mind when it tries to overpower you with negative thoughts. Try and divert your mind towards things that make you happy. It could be listening to your favorite track, getting hold of your favorite snack, or going out on a walk with friends. These activities can help you divert your mind and feel positive at the same time.
Identify Your Strengths
No matter how strongly you deny it, believe me, as an individual you surely have a strength that you need to identify. And, if you think you don’t have any strength, ask the people who know you well. Talk to some really close friends or family members, as they might speak about your strengths better than you.
Learn To Take Compliments
When you are in a depressing phase where hatred has become your everyday job, it becomes really hard for you to take compliments. As a result, whenever someone compliments you, you immediately think that you are not worth it and people are mocking you. Learn to take compliments, and whenever someone does that, always reply with a ‘thank you’. During confidence counseling sessions, experts motivate you to pick the positives out of a situation, because that’s how you improve.
Focus On Self-Compassion
During self-esteem counseling sessions you’ll learn about how important it is to develop self-compassion. The idea is to not judge yourself mercilessly, instead, always give yourself a chance to improve and perform better the next time. Whenever you feel that you haven’t stood up to your expectations, learn from your shortcomings and make it a point to not repeat them in the future. This is how you would feel more confident in your personality.
Self-actualization psychology is meant to make you understand that you should accept your life, your personality, your strengths and weaknesses like they are. As a human being, you should be more focused on connecting with life in every way.
To conclude, always remember that letting go of self-hatred might take longer than expected, but the point is to never give up because life is beautiful.