Do you condemn, blame, or neglect yourself?
Here is what William Shakespeare would say:,
“Self-love, mu liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.”
In today’s society, high expectations at work, home, and in relationships leave no room for an individual to be with her/himself. It is almost like we are running around for everybody else but ourselves. It is important to take some time to reflect at the end of the day just by yourself. Self-love is the result of being with the Self.
Through out the day there are so many things that do not go the way we want them to go. We can handle the situations well and cope with them. However, if we do not take the time to reflect about how the events unfolded during the day have affected our self-esteem and self-worth, we might be damaging our perception of ourselves. This damage and suppression of all the negative emotions that arise when things do not go the way you want them to go can lead to self-hatred. We then beat ourselves over with things that didn’t go well and start to criticize ourselves. This criticism then turns into “I am not good enough,” voice that then leads to negative self-image.
When you notice the self-criticizing negative voice, be mindful of the negative emotions and feelings in your body. Our bodies are the only barometers we have to know what is going on inside of us. You would want to know how you are reacting to the situation. If you do not have time to reflect on your feelings and emotions right in the situation, do it at a later time in the day. I would suggest that you do not put it off to tomorrow or to another day because at that time your feelings and emotions are already suppressed. Suppression is the worst enemy of self-love.
When you are reflecting back and thinking what could have, should have, and/or would have done, bring non-judgmental and forgiveness towards yourself just like you would towards a child. This nonjudgmental and unconditional positive regard towards yourself would increase the love you have for yourself. Our true self-esteem and self-worth is the reflection of how well we know of that side of ourselves. Be kind, gentle, and genuine towards yourself just like you would towards anybody else. This really is the starting point. If you cannot be kind and genuine towards yourself, then you cannot be kind and genuine towards anybody else. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love anybody else. What is even worse is that you will not be able to acknowledge when others love you. People who are rude with others, they do not have much respect and love for themselves either. If somebody is rude towards you, send a silent blessing for that person because you would know that person is in need of love for him/herself. Plus you would not let the person ruin your serenity.
Keep loving yourself, and being kind and genuine towards you first and then others.