Stop the Blame Game

When you are hurt, it is tempting to place blame on others to make yourself feel better.  However, blaming things outside of yourself takes away your power.  Instead of helping us feel empowered and in control, blaming keeps you in the role of ‘victim’.  Holding things, circumstances, or people responsible for what is not going right hurts your self-esteem and your self-worth. When you blame others, you are telling yourself that you are not in control, which impedes your ability change anything about the situation. And if you cannot change anything about the situation, then you continue to be in misery and live with the pain.

Try taking back the control. Try resisting the temptation to hold someone else responsible for your pain and misery. Hold people accountable but do not blame them for what went wrong or what did not go as planned.

The other side of the blame game, which is also damaging to your sense of self-worth, is to blame yourself. Practice  holding yourself accountable but not blaming yourself. Instead, try accepting 100% responsibility for what is going on without blaming.

And how do you do that? By not judging yourself as bad or good. Simply accept the responsibility of what happened. Once you are able to accept 100% responsibility of what is, any move you make after that will be a well thought-out action instead of a reaction. You will start to understand the impact of your choices. The awareness combined with ability to consciously choose your next step is living with mindfulness. Blaming is victimhood. Accepting responsibility is freedom—freedom to be who you want to be and what you want to feel.

There are three simple steps to moving from victimhood to freedom:

  1. If you are hurting, pause and notice your mindset. Are you blaming your past? Parents? People around you? Bad health?
  2. Center yourself with deep breathing and try to stop judging whatever you are judging. Do not label it as good or bad.
  3. Choose to do something about the situation NOW. Get up and go for a walk if you are blaming your bad health. Pick up a book to read on self-esteem or how to create a positive mindset. Pick up phone and call around to find the right coach/counselor for you if you have been feeling stuck. Mindfully choosing to act to alleviate your pain will quickly cut through the cobwebs that have been accumulating. You will begin to feel good about yourself, which will raise your sense of self-worth because you are taking action and taking back control. The secret is to do it over and over again. Every day. In small steps.